Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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