this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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