I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
