i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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