I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
