I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
