Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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