considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He passed out mid-signature
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
