Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
