guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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