Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
