There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
