I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
