They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize