he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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