She is in my trunk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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