I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
