what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
