Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
