Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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