meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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