what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
