I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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