I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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