If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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