Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
