So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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