there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I will be naked everywhere
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize