and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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