mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He felt like a one man threesome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
