Your tits are I can't wait for
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
