You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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