My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
