I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
