i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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