I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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