do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
