We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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