I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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