no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
