So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
