Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
