i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
