I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
