You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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