yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
