Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
