Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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