oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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