Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
