dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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