DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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