I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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