She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
