The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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