White coat. Heels.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
