We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
