there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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