Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
