he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
