Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just want nice things and good sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize