you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
