There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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