Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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