What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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