I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
