we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
