Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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